Jan 14 2010

Starting the Journey

Published by at 7:48 pm under Creative Recovery

You can’t get there by bus,
only by hard work, risking,
and by not quite knowing what you’re doing.
What you’ll discover will be wonderful: yourself.
~~ Alan Alda

If not quite knowing what you are doing is one of the essentials, then I’m well on my way.  I’ve said, and more than once, that my mother sold me on the idea that one day, some one would come and rescue me, presumably from my life. Only no one came. No white knights. No rescue. And as I got older, I realized that it wasn’t just me, my mother was waiting too. Waiting for something that never came and never happened.

I’ve come to the realization that if there’s a white knight to be had, then its got to be me. I’m the only one that can rescue myself (sorry, Mom!). And its long past time that I got started on just that very thing. The question that kind of stopped me was — how to get started? Where to get started?

For a while, I interpreted rescue as understanding what had happened to me and making changes based on that. I learned about alcoholism and what happens to children who grow up with an alcoholic. Learned all about the elephant in the parlor. I learned about becoming assertive in work (lots of misses there). I learned that its alright to choose a different path. I learned to step away from the dysfunctional family dynamics, to make my own choices. I spent the time and did the work. To regain ground I felt I had lost as a child.

And yet, there was so much missing. And what I’ve come to understand is that the more important part of the work is only just getting started. See, for everything I’ve learned and done. All the courage that took?  What I never learned was how to be selfish now and again. How not to give 150% to the people I love every single day (because what’s been happening of late is that the people I love are demanding 150% every single day).

And you know that’s got to end.

So here’s me. Dressed in an uncomfortable suit of armor and figuring out how to do this thing, rescuing my creative self. And that’s what this site is going to be about, a record of that journey. Good and bad. Hits and misses. Failures as well as shining successes.

It starts today. I just can’t afford to wait another minute.

No responses yet

Trackback URI | Comments RSS

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge